You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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