did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize