do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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