there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
