think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
