THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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