And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
