Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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