Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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