Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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