i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This is the high leading the old right now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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