I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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