I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You are the jesus of drinking
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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