apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
