honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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