I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
