i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize