after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
