How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
