I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
