Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
