she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
