Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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