the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
