And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
