Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
