its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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