Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
