you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
