he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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