Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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