we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
