I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
