And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
