I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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