i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
