Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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