i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
