oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
