he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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