Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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