she looked like the before picture.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
