pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
