he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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