Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
