I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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