I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
