UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she smelled like a LAN party
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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