would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
