I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
