I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
