careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
