...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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