During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
