I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
