Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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