well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
