there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My bed smells like the plague
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize