You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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