yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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