got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
