And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
