Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
