Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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