I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
