I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
