There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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