You can't special order awesome
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
